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In fact, I don’t think the music had even started yet.

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Millionaires came out with their giant hair bows and matching bedazzled Orioles shirts and slayed me in the soul.

No shit, I think I actually danced one of my eyelashes off.

Unfortunately it seemed like they went as fast as they came and I was still so lit I wasn’t ready to leave, so my sister and I committed the cardinal sin of staying for BOTDF just to watch the spectacle unfold.

I have the clearest memory of us standing behind the crowd, shaking our heads as Dahvie rubbed the mic all over his junk and referred to a young black fan as “chocolate.” Meanwhile, his homeboy Jayy Monroe or whatever the fuck his “name” is was up there shaking his tiny butt in an outfit that would make Mr. It was a combination train wreck and circus that I became the star of when I least expected it.

It wasn’t until about a couple of weeks before the show that my sister noticed the headlining band on our tickets and quickly pulled up Dahvie’s rap sheet ( But, not only was it pretty much too late to apologize at that point, I was also pretty much accustomed to trying to rationalize irrationally shitty people at that stage in my lie.

“Is this something we really want our money supporting? I guess I should also preface this story by saying that 19 was a bleak time in my life.

Yano, “allegedly.” #gottacoverthoselegalbases Perhaps I should fast forward a little bit in an attempt to sort out the million puzzle pieces your mind has probably just been shattered into.

If I had to guess, the first thing you probably want to have addressed is a question of where I met this bozo.

Selfies were snapped and one blurry cab ride (RIP pre-Uber days) was had to the night’s hallowed ground.

Thanks Baltimore Soundstage for always letting me in under-aged () and fucked out of my skull. It didn’t take long before we had a run-in with the man of the hour.

When he stopped, he actually looked shocked that I had gone for it and gave me an awkward high-five that was muffled by his fingerless gloves.

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